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Baptism Testimonial
December 2008
My parents chose to have me baptised as a
baby. Of course, as a baby, I was unable to make that
choice, and was unable to understand what baptism meant.
Today, I am making the choice to be baptised; to
declare publicly that I have undergone a spiritual
transformation and that I owe that transformation to my
relationship with my Saviour, Jesus Christ.
I have always believed
in God the Father, His Son and the Holy Spirit.
Over the years, I poured my heart out to the
Holy Spirit whenever life got difficult, asking for insight
and guidance; I always felt that my prayers were heard and
answered, albeit not always the way I hoped. However, my
relationship with God was always about me asking for help,
and God giving it to me, as He saw fit.
Something was missing.
In 2006, I was forced to look at my mortality
when I became a survivor of a life threatening health issue.
It was a remarkable journey of faith, and I thank God for
healing me. Throughout that journey, I believed that I would
be healed because God had work for me to do. But I wondered:
what was that work?
Finally, at the age of 50, in the summer of
2007, I went on a week-long spiritual retreat at Villa St.
Joseph, down on Lake Ontario. As I drove from Peterborough
to Cobourg, I was overwhelmed with feelings of anticipation
(I was finally going to deal with what had happened the
previous year), and of fear (what answers would I get to my
many questions, and was I ready for what I was about to
hear). I went with a very clear agenda: to figure out what
my purpose in life was. Why was I healed? What purpose did
God have for me?
I was amazed when I arrived at my
destination, realizing that I had driven the entire way in
“autopilot,” with tears streaming down my face the entire
way. I felt a weight lift from me as I entered the Villa
property, but I continued to cry non-stop for three days.
On the third day, I sat on a wooden bench,
overlooking Lake Ontario, with nothing but water and sky in
front of me, the sun beating down on my face. I felt so
close to God. In anguish, tears rolling down my face, I
called out to God, “Here I am, Lord. Do you see me? Do you
see my pain?” In my head, I heard, “Psalm 139.”
Not being very familiar with the bible at
that time, I was anxious to check it out. I ran back to my
room and wept when I read, “O Lord, you have examined my
heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down
or stand up. You know my every thought when far away. You
chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and
rest. Every moment you know where I am. You know what I am
going to say even before I say it, Lord. You both precede
and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to
know!” Psalm 139: verses 1-6
God had my attention! He sees me. He
actually sees me!
Until that day, I had felt God’s presence in
my life, but I could not believe that God really knew
me. I knew He loved His children, but how could He have time
for me.
On the forth day of my retreat, I sat on that
same bench, tears still flowing, my mind whirling, jumping
from one concern to another. Suddenly, I heard a loud voice
behind me: “Be still!” Startled, I looked around for the
source of the voice. Nothing. “I must be imagining things,”
I told myself, and continued with my unrelenting concerns.
“Be still!” I heard again.
This time I knew that I was not imagining
things. I sat rigidly on the bench and said out loud, “Ok,
I’m still.” I heard the voice again: “First … be still.”
I was confused. “I am still,” I
thought to myself. Then I heard, “Psalm 46, verse 10.”
Off I went to check my bible. “Be still, and know that I
am God,” I read, once again overwhelmed with tears. I
finally got it … I needed to still my mind and listen … then
I would hear what God wanted to tell me.
That week, the Holy Spirit directed me to
many other verses that spoke to my need to be seen and
loved, and to have purpose in life. Several passages
provided me with guidance for the work I believe the Lord
wants me to do.
On the fifth day of my retreat, one passage
in particular brought me to my knees. I wept as I realized
that, for many, many years, God has been preparing me for
the work He wants me to do. From having a grandmother who
lived with a physical disability, to having several friends
in elementary school who would today be labelled with an
intellectual or learning disability, to being blessed with
our two children, Robbie and his sister Laura, who lives
with an intellectual disability, to the community
development work, the writing, and the teaching I’ve done.
The Holy Spirit had directed me to 1
Corinthians, Chapter 12, and later to Chapter 13. These
verses, which talk about spiritual gifts, one body with many
parts and the importance of love, were hugely significant
for me, because, for 20 years, I have been sharing the
following message with anyone who would listen: every
single person, regardless of ability, has strengths and
gifts to share with others; all we need to do is to get to
know each person, love them, and welcome them and their many
gifts. Everyone belongs. When everyone’s gifts are shared
and welcomed, we have a strong, healthy community.
So many families,
like mine, whose sons and daughters live with disabilities,
may not know, deep in their souls, that God has
gifted each of them with many strengths and
capacities, and purpose within the church body. They
may feel unsupported and unloved – marginalized. They do not
feel like they belong. They may have lost hope. Or they may
have put their hope in the wrong places.
So many families,
like mine, have been looking, unsuccessfully, to a
dysfunctional service system to solve the challenges they
face each day. We ask, “What will happen when I am no longer
here to look after my daughter? Who will love her the way I
do? How will she survive without me? Who will fix this
situation?” We expect the system to respond to our needs and
we are chronically disappointed in and frustrated
by the system’s inadequacies.
That same day at the Villa, the Holy Spirit
directed me to Psalm 9, verses 9-10: “The Lord is a
refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have
never forsaken those who seek you;” and then, to John
Chapter 6, verses 35-58: “’I am the bread of life.
Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever
believes in me will never be thirsty.’” Verse 35
It became clear to me that families like mine
must be helped to understand that their refuge is the Lord,
not a service system that cannot respond to their unique
needs; that hope is found at the foot of the Cross;
within the Body of Christ. God will not abandon us; all
things are possible through Christ Jesus.
Our sons and daughters must know that they
are loved by God, and that it is through the church body,
not a system of services and supports, that they will
come to know that love.
And the Holy Spirit was not only speaking to
me about the need to reach out to other families like my own
– I felt directed specifically to Immanuel Alliance Church.
You see, I was hearing that there is a need
to reach out to the entire church body, to this
church body, to remind others that each one of
us, including each person who lives with a disability,
each person who has been marginalized, is part of the
body of Christ, and that we all have a
responsibility to embrace those who have lost hope. We
may not all know how to do this … yet. My job, I am
learning, is to help make this happen.
On the sixth day of my retreat, the Holy
Spirit asked me if I was ready to step out in obedience –
was I ready to help grow the body of Christ?
This is what was missing in my life! My
purpose!!!
Again, I broke down and wept … this time with
immeasurable joy! At that moment, I
gave myself to the Lord.
My relationship with God, His Son and the
Holy Spirit changed at that moment. It was no longer about
what God could do for me, but what I could do for
Him. I asked, “What do you want me to do, Lord? I will
do whatever you want me to do.”
I was not quite prepared for the enormity of
the things I would be asked to do, such as giving up my main
source of income so I could focus on developing a course
about Fostering Citizenship, something I’ve never done
before. Or, joining a church body, this body, after
so many years of being without a faith community. Or,
getting into the field of nutrition, something I’ve been
interested in for many years out of necessity, but never
would have imagined as a career choice.
And I was not prepared for how easy it
would be to do what I was asked to do. Knowing that God was
now in control and that I was only an instrument, and
knowing that He would give me whatever was needed to make
things happen, made things easy. I did not have to be tied
to the outcome … I could hand everything over to God’s care
and rest knowing that God would provide; and that things
would happen in God’s timing, not mine.
The focus of my life’s work for 20 years has
been to build a strong, healthy community where all people
contribute their gifts and talents.
Now, with my spiritual awakening, I am
committed to building a strong, healthy community by
bringing Christ’s message of hope to people, particularly to
those who have been marginalized, to those who live with
intellectual disabilities and their family members; I am
committed to helping our community to be as healthy as
possible so they have what they need to embrace people who
have been marginalized; and I am committed to helping the
church body to reach out to people in our community who need
to hear this message of hope I found in First
Corinthians Chapter 12 Verses 12-30: “Just as a body,
though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one
body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptised by
one Spirit so as to form one body … in fact God
has placed the parts in the body, every one of them,
just as he wanted them to be.”
We all have a place in the body: you,
me, my family, other families like mine, people who live
with intellectual disabilities and others who have been
marginalized by society.
I pray that my baptism helps me to become
even more committed to doing the work God calls me to, to
help grow the church body, to help the body be as strong and
healthy as it can possibly be, and to help others find hope
in God’s promise of Life. Amen
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